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Welcome to the transcript wiki, a Patreon-exclusive perk we’ve been working on. A transcript will be posted here for each episode of the show, allowing our patrons to search for previously discussed topics and keywords. To access these transcripts, please join our Patreon at the Early Riser level or higher.

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2023

• 2023.12.27: Playing Catch Up (Transcript)
• 2023.12.28: Coffee Mules (Transcript)
• 2023.12.29: Yearly Wrap Up (Transcript)

2024

• 2024.01.01: Happy New Year (Transcript)
• 2024.01.02: Played Off (Transcript)
• 2024.01.03: Steamed Roaches (Transcript)
• 2024.01.08: The Side Falls Off (Transcript)
• 2024.01.09: The Terrible Secret of Space (Transcript)
• 2024.01.10: Loud Quitting (Transcript)
• 2024.01.11: Buyer Beware (Transcript)
• 2024.01.12: Night Of The Living Comedian (Transcript)
• 2024.01.15: We Can See You (Transcript)
• 2024.01.16: Feeding The Trolls (Transcript)
• 2024.01.17: Allegedly Cancelled (Transcript)
• 2024.01.18: Pirate Radio (Transcript)
• 2024.01.19: Housekeeping (Transcript)
• 2024.01.22: Silver Meddling (Transcript)
• 2024.01.23: The Patch 2024 (Transcript)
• 2024.01.24: Take This Job & Compress It (Transcript)
• 2024.01.25: Snack Police (Transcript)
• 2024.01.26: Deep Fried Apples (Transcript)
• 2024.01.29: Cat Passports (Transcript)
• 2024.01.30 What is the U for? (Transcript)
• 2024.01.31: Rock Out With Macaque Out (Transcript)
• 2024.02.01: Super Swift (Transcript)
• 2024.02.02: Morning Someone with Eric Vespe (Transcript)
• 2024.02.05: Renewed (Transcript)
• 2024.02.06: Virtual Prostates (Transcript)
• 2024.02.07: Putting the Ex in Exclusives (Transcript)
• 2024.02.08: Tour Guise (Transcript)
• 2024.02.09: Halo, World (Transcript)
• 2024.02.12: Grid Ironed (Transcript)
• 2024.02.13: Written Off (Transcript)
• 2024.02.14: Climate Reroll (Transcript)
• 2024.02.15: Fantastic Forecasting (Transcript)
• 2024.02.16: Followup 4iday (Transcript)
• 2024.02.19: Fourgotten (Transcript)
• 2024.02.20: Inflated (Transcript)
• 2024.02.21: Borderland Personalities (Transcript)
• 2024.02.22: Poisoning The Well (Transcript)
• 2024.02.23: All Dogs Go To Investigation (Transcript)
• 2024.02.26: Cyber Flavored (Transcript)
• 2024.02.27: Splitting a £1 Note? (Transcript)
• 2024.02.28: Tape Leg (Transcript)
• 2024.02.29: Climate Change Is Your Fault (Transcript)
• 2024.03.01: Wonked (Transcript)
• 2024.03.04: Big Dumb Faces (Transcript)
• 2024.03.05: Criminal Geniuses (Transcript)
• 2024.03.06: Morning Someone with Barbara Dunkelman (Transcript)
• 2024.03.07: All Good Things (Transcript)
• 2024.03.08: Accidental Cow (Transcript)
• 2024.03.11: Right To Bear Arm (Transcript)
• 2024.03.12: Conceptual (Transcript)
• 2024.03.13: Ignorance Is Bliss (Transcript)
• 2024.03.14: Fellow Kids (Transcript)
• 2024.03.15: Decentralized Shame (Transcript)
• 2024.03.18: Wind Powered Podcast (Transcript)
• 2024.03.19: International Relations (Transcript)
• 2024.03.20: Million Dollar Butts (Transcript)
• 2024.03.21: Watchlist (Transcript)
• 2024.03.22: The Great Wall of Garden (Transcript)
• 2024.03.25: Need To Know Basis (Transcript)
• 2024.03.26: Bookworms (Transcript)
• 2024.03.27: Transporting (Transcript)
• 2024.03.28: Wilding (Transcript)
• 2024.03.29: Better Call Sol (Transcript)
• 2024.04.01: Fool Me Can't Get Fooled Again (Transcript)
• 2024.04.02: Power Balls (Transcript)
• 2024.04.03: Lambs On The Lam (Transcript)
• 2024.04.04: Load the Jump Program (Transcript)
• 2024.04.05: Silver Surf-her (Transcript)
• 2024.04.08: Cloudy with a Chance of Eclipse (Transcript)
• 2024.04.09 Family Business (Transcript)
• 2024.04.10: Codependency (Transcript)
• 2024.04.11: Eat Your Fears (Transcript)
• 2024.04.12: Staying Ahead of the Wind (Transcript)
• 2024.04.15: Hidden Gems (Transcript)
• 2024.04.16: Sex on Sticks (Transcript)
• 2024.04.17: Doing God's Work (Transcript)
• 2024.04.18: Smoke Up, Kids (Transcript)
• 2024.04.19: The Artist Formerly Known As Ogilvie (Transcript)
• 2024.04.22: Keeping It Tight (Transcript)
• 2024.04.23: Losing Mojo (Transcript)
• 2024.04.24: A Snaggle of Topics (Transcript)
• 2024.04.25: The World According To Mush (Transcript)
• 2024.04.26: Neutralized (Transcript)
• 2024.04.29: Morning Someone with Gavin Free (Transcript)
• 2024.04.30: Leave Britney Alone (Transcript)
• 2024.05.01: How I Met Your Co-host (Transcript)
• 2024.05.02: Heisty (Transcript)
• 2024.05.03: Doing a Runner (Transcript)
• 2024.05.06: An End To Shrimp (Transcript)
• 2024.05.07: Zendaya Zerged My Cloudsong (Transcript)
• 2024.05.08: Let's Sue America (Transcript)
• 2024.05.09: We Have A Legal Contract (Transcript)
• 2024.05.10: Established 1898 (Transcript)
• 2024.05.13: Out Of Your Element (Transcript)
• 2024.05.14: Sexless Bumble (Transcript)
• 2024.05.15: Sometimes The Bull Wins (Transcript)
• 2024.05.16: The Fetish & Phobias Episode (Transcript)
• 2024.05.17: Gerald of Riverside (Transcript)
• 2024.05.20: Furyousted (Transcript)
• 2024.05.21: Our Cousin Gro[n]k Era (Transcript)
• 2024.05.22: Creative Title (Transcript)
• 2024.05.23: That's Mister Soleil To You
• 2024.05.24: The Console War Has Ended (Transcript)
• 2024.05.27: Dogs on a Plane (Transcript)
• 2024.05.28: C Minus A Equals Bees (Transcript)
• 2024.05.29: Avocado Ghost (Transcript)
• 2024.05.30: More Monkeys, More Problems (Transcript)
• 2024.05.31: Stepbros & Techbros (Transcript)
• 2024.06.03: Crime Time (Transcript)
• 2024.06.04: One Eyed Wunderkind (Transcript)
• 2024.06.05: Tucker Did It (Transcript)
• 2024.06.06: On Goes Frasier (Transcript)
• 2024.06.07: Squirrelly (Transcript)
• 2024.06.10: Matt Patreon Extra (Transcript)
• 2024.06.10: Return Of The Matt (Transcript)
• 2024.06.11: Gavin Patreon Extra (Transcript)
• 2024.06.11: Sunshine In My Pocket (Transcript)
• 2024.06.12: Surge Charge Your Phone (Transcript)
• 2024.06.13: Been Here For Years (Transcript)
• 2024.06.14: The Spice Must Go (Transcript)
• 2024.06.17: Killjoy Kidneys (Transcript)
• 2024.06.18: Three Three Bodies (Transcript)
• 2024.06.19: Gigabucks In The Rear View (Transcript)
• 2024.06.20: Stonehenge's Carbon Footprint (Transcript)
• 2024.06.21: PIVOT! (Transcript)
• 2024.06.24: Monday Is For Memes (Transcript)
• 2024.06.25: Hawk Tuasday (Transcript)
• 2024.06.26: Sleep Deprived (Transcript)
• 2024.06.27: Coups All Around (Transcript)
• 2024.06.28: Public Dys-course (Transcript)
• 2024.07.01: Tacos From Space (Transcript)
• 2024.07.02: Train Station Construction (Transcript)
• 2024.07.03: Morning Somewhere: A Podcast Saga - Chapter 137 (Transcript)
• 2024.07.04: Freedom Thursday (Transcript)
• 2024.07.05: Labour's Day (Transcript)
• 2024.07.08: Despicable Meat (Transcript)
• 2024.07.09: Smoothed Motions (Transcript)
• 2024.07.10: Whatabungle (Transcript)
• 2024.07.11: Streaming On The Horizon (Transcript)
• 2024.07.12: Into The Blu-ray (Transcript)
• 2024.07.15: Lost To Time (Transcript)
• 2024.07.16: Thought Crimes (Transcript)
• 2024.07.17: Prime Time (Transcript)
• 2024.07.18: NASDECKED (Transcript)
• 2024.07.19: Marvel Russorected (Transcript)
• 2024.07.22: Broken News (Transcript)
• 2024.07.23: Cocaine Sharks (Transcript)
• 2024.07.24: Thank You For Your Secret Service (Transcript)
• 2024.07.25: Rock Hard Feminism (Transcript)
• 2024.07.26: The Boy Who Cried Goof (Transcript)
• 2024.07.29: Return To Form (Transcript)
• 2024.07.30: Sticking Around (Transcript)
• 2024.07.31: Old Medalists (Transcript)
• 2024.08.01: Instagraham Crackers (Transcript)
• 2024.08.02: Pillow Talk (Transcript)
• 2024.08.05: Bee Stands For Bronze (Transcript)
• 2024.08.06: Locking In (Transcript)
• 2024.08.07: Science of Weird (Transcript)
• 2024.08.08: Weight Making (Transcript)
• 2024.08.09: Ribbon Nation (Transcript)
• 2024.08.12: Tom Cruise Captures The Flag (Transcript)
• 2024.08.13: Too Deep (Transcript)
• 2024.08.14: Disney Minus (Transcript)
• 2024.08.15: Full Color Beavers (Transcript)
• 2024.08.16: Just Say Yes (Transcript)
• 2024.08.19: Rom Com Dram (Transcript)
• 2024.08.20: Windmillionaires (Transcript)
• 2024.08.21: Enter The Molyneuniverse (Transcript)
• 2024.08.22: Utah Fried Chicken (Transcript)
• 2024.08.23: Recharge & Renew (Transcript)
• 2024.08.26: Fighting Bears In Space (Transcript)
• 2024.08.27: Redsox vs Bluejays (Transcript)
• 2024.08.28: Disconnecting (Transcript)
• 2024.08.29: Walk It Off (Transcript)
• 2024.08.30: Toxic Workplace Edition (Transcript)
• 2024.09.02: Laborious (Transcript)
• 2024.09.03: The Chalkchain (Transcript)
• 2024.09.04: Only Murderballs In The Building (Transcript)
• 2024.09.05: No I In Team (Transcript)
• 2024.09.06: Slightly Demure (Transcript)
• 2024.09.09: Olympic Takebacks (Transcript)
• 2024.09.10: Go For Lunch (Transcript)
• 2024.09.11: Debate II Election Boogaloo (Transcript)
• 2024.09.12: Swinger States (Transcript)
• 2024.09.13: Bad Numbers (Transcript)
• 2024.09.16: Not Yo Cheese (Transcript)
• 2024.09.17: Lot of Big Dudes (Transcript)
• 2024.09.18: History In Real Time (Transcript)
• 2024.09.19: Bec Again (Transcript)
• 2024.09.20: Law Office of Gene Horowitz, I Choose You (Transcript)
• 2024.09.23: Retreat To Your Castle (Transcript)
• 2024.09.24: Mawwaige (Transcript)
• 2024.09.25: Blue Collar Cosplay (Transcript)
• 2024.09.26: Old Folks Homies (Transcript)
• 2024.09.27: Rise Of The Zuckerbro (Transcript)
• 2024.09.30: Microlopolis (Transcript)
• 2024.10.01: On God FPS (Transcript)
• 2024.10.02: Bear Shaming (Transcript)
• 2024.10.03: One Word... Plastics (Transcript)
• 2024.10.04: Walkabout (Transcript)
• 2024.10.06: Weekend Chat with JD (Transcript)
• 2024.10.07: Clown Prince of Nigeria (Transcript)
• 2024.10.08: Waiting Game (Transcript)
• 2024.10.09: Nature Is Terrible (Transcript)
• 2024.10.10: Zombies All The Way Down (Transcript)
• 2024.10.11: Our Tony Stark Era (Transcript)
• 2024.10.13: QA 007 (Transcript)
• 2024.10.14: Better In Your Memories (Transcript)
• 2024.10.15: The Klandle (Transcript)
• 2024.10.16: Salary Negotiation Barbie (Transcript)
• 2024.10.17: Vegas, Bhabie Jason (Transcript)
• 2024.10.18: Cereal Criminal (Transcript)
• 2024.10.21: Collins, Mixed (Transcript)
• 2024.10.22: Gavin's Dumb Brain (Transcript)
• 2024.10.23: Hologram Ladies (Transcript)
• 2024.10.24: Zombie Boxes (Transcript)
• 2024.10.25: Hands On A Hardball (Transcript)
• 2024.10.28: Listen By Group Number (Transcript)
• 2024.10.29: Huge In Japan (Transcript)
• 2024.10.30: A Google Rubles (Transcript)
• 2024.10.31: Finishing A Series (Transcript)
• 2024.11.01: The Living Fart (Transcript)
• 2024.11.03: Videogames & Chill Patreon Episode (Transcript)
• 2024.11.04: Fascist Anime Girls (Transcript)
• 2024.11.05: Long Haul (Transcript)
• 2024.11.06: Hungover (Transcript)
• 2024.11.07: Link In The Bio (Transcript)
• 2024.11.08: United States of Whatever (Transcript)
• 2024.11.11: Package Stimulation (Transcript)
• 2024.11.12: Schmart Glasses (Transcript)
• 2024.11.13: Black Wednesday (Transcript)
• 2024.11.14: The Group Chat Goes To Prison (Transcript)
• 2024.11.15: Dumb Friday (Transcript)
• 2024.11.18: Don't Beat Yourself Up (Transcript)
• 2024.11.19: Body Horrified (Transcript)
• 2024.11.20: Podcast McPodcast Face (Transcript)
• 2024.11.21: Wicked Ways (Transcript)
• 2024.11.22: Donkey Envy (Transcript)
• 2024.11.25: Intermittency (Transcript)
• 2024.11.26: Making Glitched Happen (Transcript)
• 2024.11.27: Bog Spiders (Transcript)
• 2024.11.28: Thanksgriefing (Transcript)
• 2024.11.29: Name A Woman (Transcript)
• 2024.12.01: Red One (Transcript)
• 2024.12.02: Year Of The Word (Transcript)
• 2024.12.03: Ask Your Doctor About Morning Somewhere (Transcript)
• 2024.12.04: Deep Fried Disaster (Transcript)
• 2024.12.05: Moon (Transcript)
• 2024.12.06: The Nominees Are (Transcript)
• 2024.12.09: Bracketing (Transcript)
• 2024.12.10: The Anti Elden Ring (Transcript)
• 2024.12.11: Good Morning Geoff (Transcript)
• 2024.12.12: Eyebrow Club (Transcript)
• 2024.12.13: Of Patillos & Dillos (Transcript)
• 2024.12.16: The Worst Of All Time (Transcript)
• 2024.12.17: These Lying Kids (Transcript)
• 2024.12.18: Person of the Year (Transcript)
• 2024.12.19: Starting Now (Transcript)
• 2024.12.20: The Podcast That Played Beast (Transcript)
• 2024.12.23: Occupational Occolades (Transcript)
• 2024.12.24: Black Widower (Transcript)
• 2024.12.25: Jingling (Transcript)
• 2024.12.26: Boxing Out (Transcript)
• 2024.12.27: One (Transcript)
• 2024.12.30: Strawburied (Transcript)

2025

• 2025.01.01: Resoluting (Transcript)
• 2025.01.02: Peachy (Transcript)
• 2025.01.03: Very Small Fish (Transcript)
• 2025.01.06: Globally Golden (Transcript)
• 2025.01.07: Bad Patterns (Transcript)
• 2025.01.08: Popping Your K (Transcript)
• 2025.01.09: The Cool Parents (Transcript)
• 2025.01.10: Finding Out (Transcript)
• 2025.01.13: The People's Episode (Transcript)
• 2025.01.14: Real Girls (Transcript)
• 2025.01.15: Dunked (Transcript)
• 2025.01.16: Hallway Fighting (Transcript)
• 2025.01.17: On Innies & Outies (Transcript)
• 2025.01.19: TikTok Turnaround (Transcript)
• 2025.01.20: Dummest Timelion (Transcript)
• 2025.01.21 Crown 'Em (Transcript)
• 2025.01.22: Razzing (Transcript)
• 2025.01.23: Deliciously Inaccurate (Transcript)
• 2025.01.24: Mind The Gaap (Transcript)
• 2025.01.26: Jibber Jabber (Transcript)
• 2025.01.27: Marked Safe (Transcript)
• 2025.01.28: Declining Relevancy (Transcript)
• 2025.01.29: Zero Point Tolerance (Transcript)
• 2025.01.30: Trade Dressed (Transcript)
• 2025.01.31: It All Comes Together (Transcript)
• 2025.02.10: That Film Smell (Transcript)
• 2025.02.11: Tight Five (Transcript)
• 2025.02.12: The Hate Era (Transcript)
• 2025.02.13: El Morte De Los Owlito Verde (Transcript)
• 2025.02.14: Heart Eyes (Transcript)
• 2025.02.16: Weekend Update (Transcript)
• 2025.02.17: Half Century (Transcript)
• 2025.02.18: Want Some Candy (Transcript)
• 2025.02.19: Where We Dropping (Transcript)
• 2025.02.20: Rookie Numbers (Transcript)
• 2025.02.21: Chopping Broccoli (Transcript)
• 2025.02.22: Captain America 4 (Transcript)
• 2025.02.24: Patent Toll (Transcript)
• 2025.02.25: Dare To Devil (Transcript)
• 2025.02.26: Dumb & Dumbledore (Transcript)
• 2025.02.27: Bygone Era (Transcript)
• 2025.02.28: Ladies Night In Space (Transcript)
• 2025.03.03: Crab Elixir (Transcript)
• 2025.03.04: Coop Co-op Corp (Transcript)
• 2025.03.05: Countdown To Jesus (Transcript)
• 2025.03.06: Pressed For Time (Transcript)
• 2025.03.07: eGOAT (Transcript)
• 2025.03.10: Time To Change (Transcript)
• 2025.03.11: Crying At The Party (Transcript)